This summer, I’ve been helping out at a dog camp for children. The other day, we were discussing the ways that dogs are similar to humans. Typically, the campers, ages 8-13, start generating ideas like they eat and sleep, and they have eyes and ears, etc. As our camp director and coaches press further, we usually get some more complex ideas. These include that dogs and people both have unique personalities, likes and dislikes, and even emotions.
This week, as one young camper stated that dogs have emotions, she expanded on the idea by sharing that when the family leaves the house, their dog is sad, and when they come home, the dog is happy. To stretch this conversation, I followed up with a question about how the dog showed these emotions. As this camper began to explain the physical behavior related to sadness in their dog—laying down, sighing, lowered gaze—and then the physical demonstration of happiness—a smiley mouth, wagging tail and body, occasional jumping to lick the family upon their return home—this camper stumbled on a fabulous insight. They said, “I know my dog feels that way because that is how I feel when I leave him at our house and when I come home to him. I wonder if he feels that way because he can tell that is how I feel. Maybe I am telling him to feel sad when I leave and happy when I come home?”
This young camper hit upon an insight that has been a helpful discovery for many of the pet parents I work with. While it can be common for people to express that the energy of other people is contagious, we may not realize that this could be happening with our furry family members.
When we train our dogs, whether in obedience training or a trick class, we present a cue and expect a response from our dog. This works great when we are clear with our cue and consistently reward the behavior that we expect. What this young camper was becoming interested in was whether there were things that they and their family were doing that might have been a cue for their dog to look and act “sad” when they left home and look and act “happy” when they came home. I confirmed that likely there were cues that the dog was picking up on and consistent things that happened after that cue that definitely contributed to “sad” and “happy” behavioral responses. I also pointed out that this is a two-way communication channel between the camper and their dog. For example, if when the dog looks sad as the family leaves, that may delay the family from leaving and/or elicit some form of comforting attention that could be a “reward” to the dog, then the dog is more likely to act “sad” when the family leaves, because that behavior is getting them something that they want. Dogs are incredibly attuned to human behavior, maybe sometimes more than we are, so it is not uncommon for dog families to not notice what they are doing to cue or reward a specific behavior.
This young camper was realizing that when they felt sad about leaving their dog at home, they may be showing their dog to be and/or act sad and vice versa when they returned home. Do you have emotions that you might be “telegraphing” to your dogs or to others you interact with? How do you know what your dog or the people around you are feeling?
One of the most fascinating parts of being ourselves is the fact that we see things in our world from a uniquely human perspective. While this young camper clearly was recognizing this important cue/response interaction between their dog and their family, they also were viewing the interaction from the uniquely human lens of “missing” someone or something that wasn’t there. While it may be true that the dog is “happy” to see them return home after being gone, the reason “because I missed you” is likely more human than canine. It would, in fact, be more likely that the canine point of view is “oh good, food is coming again.” This does not diminish the human/canine connection, it just illustrates that we have different points of view.
Where I think this difference in viewpoint becomes the most important is when I work with clients who have a dog that they are making the extremely difficult (from the human perspective) decision about whether to re-home. I often hear people say things like, “I don’t want to let them down,” “they have been moved so often,” “they will feel discarded.” These thoughts definitely define the human point of view related to a family unit. The reality in these situations is that from the perspective of the dog, the re-homing can often be a welcome relief. Consider an example of a Border Collie living in an apartment and being kenneled while an owner is at work for 8 hours a day being re-homed to a farm where they have a job herding sheep; it can be easy to see how the dog may thrive more in the new environment despite being attached to the owner in the first environment.
What canine behaviors do you view from a uniquely human perspective? What might it sound like if you put yourself into the dog’s perspective? Placing yourself in this different perspective can help you understand behavior you see and communicate better with your furry friend. It may even help you make some of the most difficult decisions you need to during your pet’s lifetime.
If you would like to experience this type of perspective-shifting exercise related to your unique situation, reach out at sue@wavelengthwellbeing.com for a free 15-minute consultation to see if my pet-parent coaching services are a fit for you.
