To be human is to have emotional experiences. That many of us prefer that these emotional experiences be positive is not surprising.
As this is Mental Health Awareness Month, I would like to start by stating that it is okay to not be okay. Pretending to be okay when you aren’t is not good for you or anyone who cares about you. Please know that help is available, that asking for help is a sign of strength, and that you and your well-being matter. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (https://www.nami.org/home) HelpLine is available M-F, 10 a.m.–10 p.m. ET. Connect by phone at 800-950-6264 or text “Helpline” to 62640. In a crisis, call or text 988.
That said, it is also okay to be okay and to want to be happy and notice the positive. Recently, I have noticed a bit of a backlash against gratitude, with several authors claiming that recommending gratitude as a mental well-being practice is a form of “toxic positivity” that encourages people to brush off or outright ignore anything in their life that is not positive.
For me, gratitude is about noticing the good things in my life, and that does not prevent me from noticing or experiencing the bad things in my life. They are not mutually exclusive. Both will happen, and both are important contributors to the richness of my lived experience on this planet.
Nearly two decades ago, Dr. Robert W. Schrauf, professor of applied linguistics at Penn State, examined the working emotion vocabulary of individuals across generations and cultures and concluded that people show “a preponderance of words for negative emotions (50%) over positive (30%) and neutral (20%) emotions.”
To me, this natural propensity to name and notice the negative is part of the learning process that helps to keep us safe, and I am grateful (no pun intended) for it. There is also a body of research that indicates a positive association between dispositional gratitude (the tendency to notice and appreciate positive aspects of life) and greater well-being.
Even with relatively modest evidence for the efficacy of gratitude interventions on symptoms specific to depression and anxiety, I personally believe that there is no harm in employing gratitude as part of my mental well-being practices.
Just like I work to build muscles on my weaker side, I have incorporated some gratitude exercises into my routine. As I build my gratitude muscles, the biggest gain for me has been appreciating and savoring the good things in my life that I previously let slip past my awareness. Noticing those good things provides me with some pleasant conversation starters, even on my not-so-great days, ultimately making me more enjoyable for other people to spend time with…and nothing supports mental well-being as much as an authentically positive human connection!
I’m including my gratitude “workout” below in case you are interested in leveraging it to create one that works for you.
- Start the day by thinking of something I am grateful for.
- Tell people when they have a positive impact on me.
- Notice the beauty around me (music, nature, art, architecture, design, etc.) and take photos of it when possible.
- As I enter each new space, I find something or someone to appreciate.
- End the day thinking of someone I am grateful for.
For help building your personalized gratitude workout, request a free 15-minute call using the contact form on my website. I am grateful to you for taking the time to read my blog post!
