As a young child, I recall the joy of pushing a yellow triangle through the blue half of a Shape-O ball, twisting it until the three sides aligned with the corresponding hole. My parents smiled and enthusiastically said, “Good job!” This first success with a shape sorter began developing my brain’s ability to categorize, sort, and label. These important skills help us make sense of the world around us and communicate effectively with others. My experience is not unique. Starting at about a year of age, we begin to develop these cognitive abilities. By adulthood, our brains become so adept at categorizing and labeling that it happens automatically.
This valuable skill can sometimes become a hindrance. When we cling too tightly to a label, we risk limiting our understanding of the thing being labeled. For inanimate objects, this might stifle our creativity. For example, maybe no one would have recognized that a failed adhesive developed at 3M could be repurposed into the iconic Post-it Note, which revolutionized workplaces and home offices worldwide.
Labels and People:
When this categorization habit extends to humans, the stakes are much higher. Imagine a nurse who receives a patient chart listing a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If the nurse associates this label with stereotypes like “manipulative” or “attention-seeking,” it may bias her interactions. She might dismiss the patient’s symptoms as exaggerated or assume they’re lying.
Traditionally, if an individual met five or more of the nine criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (mood instability, anger, suicidality, emptiness, identity disturbance, abandonment fears, relationship problems, and impulsivity), they would receive the diagnosis. This categorical approach to mental health grouped people into specific boxes based on their symptoms. However, recent research in personality disorders has shown that these categories are not so clearly distinguished. What emerges instead is a higher-level category of personality functioning—a continuum on which we all lie.
We all have good days, where we are well-regulated, and bad days, where we may struggle to manage our emotions or interactions. By recognizing that we all share a place on this continuum, this dimensional approach encourages empathy, allowing us to focus on an individual’s unique challenges rather than a static diagnostic label. Misunderstanding a label, like in the nurse example, could have serious consequences, especially if it affects critical treatment decisions.
Mindful Reflection – What labels define you? Did you assign them yourself, or did someone else? Are these labels limiting you or placing you in a box that no longer fits?
During the most recent U.S. presidential election, it became clear how labeling based on political affiliations or candidates could create significant divides in relationships. On my social media feeds, I witnessed heated arguments where people seemed quick to categorize one another solely by their party or candidate of choice. If these individuals had taken a moment to pause and resist the urge to label, they might have discovered shared values or concerns and possibly engaged in more meaningful discussions. This could have allowed for a compassionate exploration of policies or even consideration of alternative perspectives beyond the two parties featured in the debates. Instead, the quickness to label often overshadowed opportunities for connection and understanding and even caused the dissolution of some friendships.
Labels and Dogs:
Labels don’t just apply to humans; they can affect the animals we share our lives with, too. Consider an owner who takes their dog to obedience class and notices their dog learns more slowly than others. If the owner labels the dog as “stupid,” they may stop practicing what they learned at home. Not practicing what was learned during the first class may lead to a need for remedial work during the next session, reinforcing the label and further convincing the owner of the dog’s inability.
In 1968, researchers Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson demonstrated the powerful effects of teacher expectations on student performance, a phenomenon now known as the Pygmalion effect. In their study, teachers were told that certain students were likely to show exceptional intellectual growth, though these students were selected randomly. Over time, those students showed significant academic improvement, suggesting that the teachers’ positive expectations influenced their behavior and interactions, thereby fostering the students’ success. Imagine the possibilities if this owner applied this concept to their dog, focusing on the dog’s potential rather than perceived limitations.
My dog exhibits socially selective behavior. When Oreo meets new people or dogs, he needs some time to observe them before deciding whether to engage. As a puppy, he often backed away when approached with outstretched hands and high-pitched voices. People would exclaim, “Wow, he’s skittish!” or “Oh, is he reactive?” Initially, these labels impacted my perception of my dog and even caused me to worry that something was wrong with him. I began questioning if I had adopted an “anxious” dog. But by pausing and empathizing, I saw things differently. If a stranger reached out to touch me while I was out on a walk, I’d back up too! Oreo wasn’t “anxious”; he was displaying reserved behavior upon meeting an unknown person. That made sense to me, and his backing up was a very reasonable response in that context. Viewing things this way helped me respect his boundaries and set him up for success in future interactions.
If I continued to view Oreo as “anxious,” I might intentionally or even unintentionally limit his opportunities for positive social interactions, potentially leading to increased isolation. This dynamic can create a cycle where he could become more withdrawn, further reinforcing my perception of his anxiety or leading to an increased likelihood of reactivity.
In a literature review published in Pets earlier this spring, authors noted that perceptions of behavioral problems, such as anxiety or aggression, can increase stress and frustration for owners, which in turn can negatively affect their emotional engagement with their dog. This stress can make it harder for owners to provide appropriate socializing experiences or work through behavioral challenges with their pets. Furthermore, owners who see their dogs as problematic may be less likely to provide proactive behavioral support or seek professional help, potentially leading to poorer outcomes for both the dog and the owner.
My shift in perspective about Oreo allowed me to focus on creating positive experiences for him, contributing to better socialization opportunities and, ultimately, a healthier and stronger bond.
The Power of Person-First Language:
One of my favorite outcomes of recent inclusion and mental health de-stigmatization efforts is the adoption of person-first language. Moving the label up a level (e.g., a person of color, a person with anxiety, a person with diabetes) elevates their humanity above the label, reminding us that we are all part of the same group. When I view the person across from me or the dog in front of me from this higher vantage point, I am able to be more compassionate and empathetic. I can see all the potential that exists within them. The person on the other side of a political aisle can be my friend who has different opinions than me and still remain my friend. My dog can rise above the “anxious” label and interact with other dogs in a manner and environment that keeps him below his threshold. I get to feel connected while honoring their individuality.
Mindful Reflection – What labels have you used for others? Do they limit or confine them? Can you find a higher-level label that emphasizes potential and compassion?
As the holiday season approaches, I invite you to pause and consider how categorizing or labeling might limit your relationships. Can you view a circle not just as a circle, but also as a wheel, a frisbee, a plate, or something else entirely?
If you’d like personalized support in challenging labels, contact me for a complimentary 20-minute coaching session at sue.murphy@wavelengthwellbeing.com.
Let’s work together to see beyond the labels. Wishing you stronger bonds.
