As we reach the end of June, a month dedicated to proudly celebrating my friends who identify as LBGTQIA+ and also Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month, I have thought at length about this blog post. I see the value in bringing awareness to all the causes and experiences that we observe throughout the year, yet I find myself heartbroken that the awareness of these causes and experiences is necessary. That is a topic for another post, but it led me to consider how these two primary observances that flooded my news feed, inbox, and social media during the month of June are related.
What I concluded is that they are both inextricably tied to a linchpin of human well-being: social connection. Our need to connect to others and to be seen, understood authentically, and accepted is paramount to our well-being.
Spending time with those in our social network allows us to enjoy a sense of belonging, and it also creates a system of checks and balances for the internal messages that we have running through our mind. “Is it true that [insert self-critique here]?” When we talk to a trusted companion, they are able to help us uncover the thoughts that keep us stuck. It makes it easier to spot our limiting beliefs and helps us become aware of things we may not have noticed on our own.
This was the case for me during a recent dinner with a dear friend, when I heard myself exclaim to her, “I’m lonely!” Until I said those words out loud, I did not even realize that I was feeling that way. I don’t live alone, and I have a large network of friends, family, and acquaintances who support me. How on Earth could I be feeling lonely? Yet here I was, having dinner with my friend, hearing myself say those exact words. What is perhaps even more concerning to me is that I know I have plenty of company. In May, the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory titled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” which highlights a general trend toward increased isolation and loneliness in the United States.
So, how did I end up here? As is true for a lot of us, I believe it began with the pandemic lock down. I was blessed to have technology to keep me connected to those I loved and worked with. That said, the need to be more intentional about scheduling that time, combined with an overwhelming task list, made spontaneous interactions about things that stir my soul and provide me with a sense of belonging seem frivolous, so those interactions happened less frequently. As we have started to emerge from that drastic shift in life, a series of other changes have taken place in my life. I adopted an adorable puppy, was laid off from a job that I loved, and started my own business. Any transitions we experience, even those that are positive in nature, have the potential to impact our social connections.
Take a moment to think about the transitions that you have experienced. If nothing comes to mind, consider some of the major life changes on this list: marriage, divorce, birth of a child, graduation, physical or mental health diagnosis, care-giving, job change, moving, retirement, or the death of a loved one. Would or did they cause a shift in your social network or connections?
I invite you to pause for a moment and answer the following question for yourself.
Am I lonely?
If your honest answer to that question is “yes”, my hope is that some of the questions I’ve been asking myself will support you in broadening your network and deepening your connections.
- What am I telling myself that prevents me from feeling connected?
- Do I need to have good news to share?
- Do I feel like I am intruding?
- Am I comparing myself to others in some negative way?
- What interests do I have that I can connect with others through?
- Are there clubs or groups I can join?
- Are there classes or courses that I can sign up for?
- Are there causes or volunteer opportunities that I can engage in?
- What things do I do that I could invite someone along with me?
- Where are places that I regularly go (e.g., grocery store, park, gym, church)?
- What are some things I regularly do (e.g., cook, clean, eat, walk, run errands)?
- What events in my community interest me?
If you answered “no” to the question of whether you are lonely, there is still a task at hand. I believe that if we work together, it is possible for us to live in a world where not one single person answers “yes” when asked if they are lonely. Please join me in helping that become a reality. Consider whether there are people within your network who might be experiencing some type of life transition that is impacting their social connections, or perhaps someone who identifies in a way that makes them feel unable to show up as their authentic self in our society. My guess, supported by data, is that you do. I urge you to help maintain, rekindle, or deepen your connection with them.
If you would like a partner to create a personalized plan for increasing your authentic social connections, please reach out to schedule a complimentary 15-minute call. I am grateful for the time you spent reading this month’s blog post and wish you many joyful connections ahead!
